Brendan Smith Memorial Picks, Week 3.

Normally, I do major preview posts on NU's games - not this week, it's been hectic, so, nah. Sorry about that. Without further ado, here are your Big Ten/NU picks.

11 AM: Eastern Michigan @ No. 25 Michigan.

Watching EMU lose by 30 to Michigan will be tough for NU fans. It's like watching your friend hook up with a girl you thought you had a chance with, except it's really not like that at all, because its a football game.

Pick: Michigan.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: I'm telling you, eagles have the tactical advantage against pretty any land mammal, except for, like bears, and elephants, and other stuff like that. They got wings and talons. Trust me on this one. EMU wins their second straight Big Ten game. Game, EMU. (Wolverine mascot death fight record: 1-2)

11 AM: No. 8 California @ Minnesota

I thought Air Force would give Minnesota a run for their money, and they did. And California could maim Air Force. This will be ugly, Minnesota's not much of a team despite their 2-0 record.

Pick: California. 

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Bear vs. Gopher is a major, major mismatch, and you probably didn't need me to tell you that. Game, California. (Golden Gopher mascot death fight record: 1-2)

11 AM: No. 5 Penn State @ Temple

I hope you guys don't like insightful analysis. Lou Holtz could pick this one. 

Pick: Penn State

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: I generally give the edge to winged creatures, but owls just don't have the same tenacity eagles do, and although they are predators, they normally kill mice. Unlike the mouse, humans don't kill lions by luring them to walk into glue traps, so you can tell the lion will be more difficult for owls to kill. Meanwhile, lions are lions. Game, Penn State. (Nittany Lion fight record: 3-0.)

11 AM: Wofford @ Wisconsin

I scanned Wofford's recent schedules for an embarrassing loss to put in this section, and sure enough, they lost 70-24 against Appalachian State last year, and, uhhh, yeah, they're good and all, but, um, 70 is a lot of points. Wisconsin will get the W. 

My guess as to what Wofford's mascot is, without looking: The eagle. Nah, yo, the Golden Eagle. 

What it actually is: The terrier. That doesn't give me much confidence with regards to their chances in a mascot death fight.

Pick: Wisconsin

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Badgers are surprisingly feisty, whereas terriers are adorable. Game, Wisconsin. (Badgers death fight record: 1-2)

11 AM: Northern Illinois @ Purdue

I really think Purdue is a team that you gotta watch out for. I thought they'd beat Oregon last week, and I don't think they'll be the tenth team in the conference like everybody's predicting. I mean, they're worse than NU, but, still, they'll do alright. 

Pick: Purdue.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: The Huskies beat the Badgers in week one, but they can't beat people. And Boilermakers are people. Game, Purdue. (Boilermakers mascot death fight record: 3-0)

11 AM: #11 Ohio State "@" Toledo, in Cleveland.

Nothing says "Toledo" quite like, uh, Cleveland, so, look for the hometown crowd to carry Toledo to a 56-20 loss. Toledo likes to give up lots of points, and Ohio State likes to score them.

Pick: Ohio State

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Rockets can fly to to the moon. Buckeyes are nuts. Game, Toledo. (Buckeye death fight record: 0-3)

2:30: Michigan State @ Notre Dame.

Yeah, bad loss for Michigan State last week. If they win that game, I can give their lack of a good quarterback, running back, or, like, anything a pass and give them a W here, but, nah. They're not like last year's MSU.

Pick: Notre Dame.  

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Spartans and Fighting Irish like to fight. Except Spartans fight with weapons, and Fighting Irish fight old-timey boxing style. Game, MSU. (Spartans death fight record: 3-0)

2:30: Indiana @ Akron.

Indiana has looked bad against decidedly lower-level teams. Akron is a decidedly mid-level team, and Indiana's first road game of the year.

Pick: Akron.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: After immediately giving the Zips a loss in their first matchup because I didn't know what a zip was, I decided to look it up this week. "Zip" is short for "zipper" because people made clothing with zippers on it in Akron. Their mascot is a female kangaroo. Game, Indiana. (Hoosiers mascot death fight record: 1-2)

2:35: Arizona @ Iowa.

To me, Northern Iowa is to the Hawkeyes as Eastern Michigan is to Northwestern. Both times, a team played way, way, way too close against a team they should have beaten easily. Both times, there was questionable game preparedness and play-calling on the parts of the better team. And both times, the better team won. This is a top 25 team that had a major, major hiccup against their first opponent of the year, and it'll haunt them in the rankings for a while, but it won't haunt them on the field.

Pick: Iowa

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: A preview of the NU-Iowa matchup later this year, my analysis is simple: One's inanimate, one's a cat. Game, Arizona. (Hawkeye mascot death fight record: 0-3)

6: Northwestern @ Syracuse.

This game will be tough. Really tough.

Our defense right now is a mess. Our d-line just got done getting owned by EMU and failing to tackle a guy named Dwayne Priest. Meanwhile, DeLone Carter and Antwon Bailey make a great running back tandem for Syracuse. This is a problem. 

Mike Williams will be playing professional football next year. Sherrick McManis, who might be playing professional football next year, would generally be assigned to guard him, but he's sort of injured. Justan Vaughn, a guy who backs him up, is also injured. Therefore, guys like Jordan Mabin (good) Mike Bolden (hasn't really played) and Ricky Weina (also hasn't really played, but, yeesh) and hordes of others (potentially horrific) will be assigned to guard a preternaturally talented wide receiving beast, getting passes from Greg Paulus, who hasn't looked bad overall in his first few starts, and is learning on the fly. This is a problem.

Stephen Simmons, who has anchored our questionable running game this year, is, in fact questionable this week. This means guys like Arby Fields (ok) Jacob Schmidt (maybe on 3rd-and-two, but nowhere else) Scott Concannon (nope) will be taking snaps. This is a problem.

Mike Kafka has looked just above average. Against Towson and Eastern Michigan. This is a problem.

Our coaches haven't shown any signs that they'd like to call a successful football game. This is a problem.

But at the end of the day, last year, Northwestern rocked Syracuse, and let's look at what changed:

Andrew Robinson, who started at QB for the Orange, is now a backup tight end. He's been replaced by... an ex-Duke point guard. Meanwhile, CJ Bacher, has been replaced by somebody arguably better. This is good for us.

Last year, Mike Williams, didn't play. This year, he will. This is bad for us.

Our defense has looked shaky, but ultimately, is a very similar unit to the one we had last year, and which dominated the Orange. This is great for us.

Again, this isn't very in depth. But at the end of the day, we won by 20 last year, and could have won by more not enough has improved for Syracuse for me to think that we'll straight up lose.

Prediction: Northwestern, 24. Syracuse, 17.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: The Orange are 0-2 against Big Ten opponents in the mascot death fight league, because they are a color. They're still a color. Game, NU. (Wildcats mascot death fight record: 1-2)

My picks last week: 6-5, pretty dismal. In my defense, Air Force, Fresno State, and Purdue came close to making my upset picks come true, but I was too risky. For once, I would've probably done better last week vs. the spread.

Projected Big Ten record this week: 7-3

Projected Big Ten mascot death fight record this week: 6-4. (Overall, 16-16.)

Northwestern vs. EMU, Volume Three: THA RECKONING

So, tomorrow is NU's second game of the year, and, it's against Eastern Michigan. You'd think the talent level of our opponent would increase after playing an FCS school like Towson, but these fellas are only marginally better. Of the 120 teams in the FBS, ESPN's got EMU looking like the 119th, after getting rocked by an equally futile Army team, and at the beginning of the year, the New York Times had them 113th, which was probably a little optimistic of them.

Suffice it to say, that vanilla stuff we found so delicious last week will probably make up most of our arsenal this week again. I'd like to see our playcalling be a little bit more out there - we weren't even blitzing last week - but still, relatively close to the vest. It might be a bummer that NU has such weak opponents to open the year, but on the positive side, the few weeks provide opportunities for us to get game reps in non-pressure situations that allow our inexperienced offensive starters to get some PT together, and we're making the best out of it. 

The injury report lists Jeravin Matthews and Sherrick McManis as "doubtful". I'm thinking these guys are probably not injured that badly, but, to be honest, why bother playing them and risking injury against an opponent like EMU? Justan Vaughn seems pretty talented, so it will be good to see him get a start, so the McManis injury doesn't really hurt us there. Matthews is somehow one of the more known entities out of our running backs crew, and what's more, I think he'll be useful more as a RB/WR hybrid, and his ability to play multiple positions and catch defenses off guard seems like the type of thing that will be more useful the less time he gets now. So that's that.

Last week I said the goal for the week was just to get in and get out, no injuries to starters. I'd say it's pretty much the same this week. I'd like to see our second-string playing in the second quarter, even if the game still is up for grabs. If it is, Kafka and company can come back in at halftime to put it out of reach, as I'm confident they're talented enough to do. But if it's a touchdown or less game, I'd like to see the second unit play, for better or for worse, just to see how they handle it. I'd like to see Dan Persa lead us on a scoring drive when the opposing defense is still in it to win it, and I'd like to see a big stop by like, I dunno, Purple Drank favorite defender Stone Pinckney to keep NU in the lead, a sort of baptism-by-fire sort of deal. That would be nice, and I'm convinced Fitz will bring in bench guys to play early regardless of the score.

Now, on to the gameplan. 

Offense: Again: we know Mike Kafka can run. However, he's sort of our starting quarterback, and I don't want to see him getting injured this early in the season. So if I were him, I'd set a reasonably attainable goal for tomorrow: don't get tackled. We have a sturdy o-line, so he shouldn't have to worry about sacks. If he runs the ball on a scramble, he should slide down, as he's been unwilling to do in the past because of his wheels, or end up out-of-bounds or in the end zone. And if he runs an option, pitch it, something he seemed a little bit scared of doing against Towson. Kafka did a great job of passing last week, but he still didn't stick around in the pocket long enough to suit my likings - I'd like to see him just chill out back there for once, just to show that he can.

Persa as noted, I hope gets some serious tick, more than just the two throws he had last week.

At running back, we've got some unsolved issues still after the first week. I'd like to see more of what we saw last week, which is pretty much just everybody getting their fair share of carries. I'd like to see if Jacob Schmidt could emerge as a third-down back sort of carrier, and if Scott Concannon is worth anything. And I'd definitely like to see Jeravin Matthews stay on the sidelines, because he doesn't need to risk it. The running game should get a little bit more inventive this week - last week, we shied away from runs outside the tackles and options for pretty much the entire game once it got out of hand - and that was no fun. I'd still like to see the running game get the bulk of the playcalls, but, I'd like these playcalls to be more like the ones we'd see in a Big Ten game. Not just dashes up the gut, although we do have to keep those in the offense.

I liked the spread of the ball to various WR's last week, and expect the same. Nobody did anything spectacular except Brewer, and, with what will hopefully be another relatively small passing sample size, it would be unlikely to expect anyone besides Brewer to rack up a big game. I know this week will probably rightly be a vanilla attack, but, I'm dying to see Brewer pull a Peterman-esque end-around pass. I know it can work for another touchdown this year if people aren't expecting it, so, maybe it can wait a few weeks, but I'm anxious. 

Defense: As noted, this Schmitt fella is a bit of a gunslinger, even with the non-hurl-it-80-times-a-game offense EMU has this year. I want our secondary to get their grown man on and play like they should've last week. I foresee three picks, and that's being conservative.

Corey Wootton was barely a factor last week, and this week, he and Vince Browne go up against an o-line that gave up 6 sacks for a loss of over 50 yards last week. LTP has said this all week, but these two also have to get their grown men on, and I want to see Corey legitimately play this week whereas last week he just got a few series and called it a day. This year, opposing o-lines will be hurling as much of their manpower as they can at him, and if he can't overcome that this week against EMU, he won't be able to overcome it in the Big Ten season. Not to mention that Browne should be absolutely teeing off against minimal opposition on the other side. 

People I'm watching:

Corey Wootton. Corey was my person to watch last week, and he barely set foot on the field, so, I haven't taken my gaze off of him yet.

Arby Fields: is he really our best running back? He'll have the opportunity to prove he is this week, and I think he will.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: this is a classic battle of fearsome land predator vs. fearsome air predator. As is generally the case in this type of battle, it's a mismatch: the cat is unable to attack the eagle unless the eagle comes to him first, therefore, the eagle is perennially on offense. Game, EMU. (Wildcat mascot death fight record: 0-2.)

Prediction:

Eastern Michigan, 7, Northwestern 45. Fitz will be less relenting than he was last week against Towson, but the opponent will be slightly better, so I foresee roughly the same score. The only difference is that I expect our defense to be a little bit more on top of themsleves after the coaching staff got surprisingly mad at them for allowing two touchdowns against Towson. I expect the Eagles to flukily push one across on a deep pass that manages to go unintercepted, but generally, this will be a romp for NU.

We're 1-0, and we're trying to go... 1-0 again. Is it okay that I find coach-speak fun to buy into sometimes?

Go Cats, yo. 

Brendan Smith Memorial Picks: Week 2.

Do you guys care who I think is going to win other Big Ten games? What's that? No?

Well, tough. There's nothing else to blog about on thursdays.

(all times central, which means as a New Yorker I'm doing math over here.)

11 AM: Western Michigan @ Indiana

The polar opposites of our opponent this week made Michigan look pretty good last week, but Indiana is a hulking pile of badness. This game is bad. Linkin Park bad. I still like the Hoosiers to pull out a win, but it will be competitive down the stretch.

What I would guess Western Michigan's mascot is, without looking: The Broncos? I had this one last week.

What it actually is: DING DING DING DING DING! I won't actually count this as an official correct guess since I had them last week. But I'm still impressed.

Pick: Indiana.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: One of the more competitive mascot matchups yet: On the one hand, bucking broncos can and do kill people, but on the other, you've got Barbaro. (too soon?) But I gotta go with the broncos: they're difficult to tame, while people from Indiana don't seem particularly intimidating to me. Game: Western Michigan. (Hoosier mascot death fight record: 0-2)

11 AM: Central Michigan @ Michigan State.

Central Michigan looked like a good MAC team heading into the year, but lost to Arizona pretty brutally. MSU on the other hand, looked like pretty good. They probably scheduled this thinking it would be an easy win, and it will be.

Pick: MSU.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: the Chippewas are going to come at the Spartans with a fighting style they're not used to, which might throw them off a bit, but when it comes down to it, Sparta is a military machine which any groups of soldiers would have trouble defeating, unless they have guns. Game, MSU. (Spartan mascot death fight record: 2-0.)

11 AM: Syracuse @ No. 7 Penn State.

The Orange looked good against Minnesota, but this ain't Minnesota. 

Pick: Penn State.

Pick to win in a mascot fight to the death: The ruling I made last week is that orange, as a color, is incapable of dying, and therefore, shouldn't be allowed in the mascot death fight club. Game, Penn State. (Nittany Lion mascot death fight record: 2-0.)

11 AM: Fresno State @ Wisconsin.

Fresno State played Wisconsin close last year, losing 13-10, and that was when Wisconsin was, you know, good. Last week, Fresno State won a tuneup by 51, while Wisconsin got by against NIU, 28-20. This one will be closer than that, a genuine toss-up. By the way, I'm really low on Wisconsin this year.

Pick: Fresno State

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Last week, the Badgers had a tough loss against the Huskies, and they face a similar mascot death fight this week against another canine foe in the Bulldogs. A similar mascot death fight with a similar result. I'd like the Badgers in a fight against a smaller dog, like a chihuahua or a dachshund, but Huskies and Bulldogs have too much grit and strength to fall to the tiny, rodent-eating carnivore. Game, Fresno State. (Badger mascot fight death record: 0-2)

11:05 AM: Iowa @ Iowa State.

Both struggled with FCS opponents: Last week Iowa State gave up 17 points to North Dakota State, and Iowa gave up 16 to Northern Iowa. The difference is that Iowa State also scored 34 points, while Iowa only scored 17. My instinct is telling me that Iowa just had a bad game and will revert to something close to last year's form soon, but common sense is telling me that they'll lose to ISU on the road.

Pick: Iowa State.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: I'm still unclear on what a hawkeye is. Is it someone with great vision? Is it the disembodied eye of a hawk? Until I get an explanation, this team will have trouble winning mascot death fights. Game, ISU. (Hawkeyes mascot death fight record: 0-2.)

2:30 PM: No. 18 Notre Dame @ Michigan

This game is so annoying.

Pick: Michigan.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Even the most Fighting of the Irish would have trouble against a ravenous wolverine, and unfortunately, the fisticuff enthusiast leprechaun in Notre Dame's logo looks like it stands even less of a chance, magical leprechaun abilities aside. Game, Michigan. (Wolverines mascot death fight record: 1-1.)

6 PM: Air Force @ Minnesota

I have this image of Mike Kafka running for 217 yards last season, and I have this image of Air Force wreaking havoc on Minnesota with their "we're a service academy and therefore we feel compelled to run a completely option based offense" state of mind. Squeaking by Syracuse didn't help. 

Pick: Air Force.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: I think falcons probably eat gophers in real life, so this isn't a good matchup. Game, Air Force. (Golden Gophers mascot death fight record: 1-1.)

6 PM: Illinois St. @ Illinois.

Analysis: I'ma stop analyzing the ones that are like "derivative of state vs. state", because, even in cases like Northern Iowa vs. Iowa where it could be close, is anybody going to predict it being close?

What I would guess Illinois State's mascot is, without looking: the Indians. (In retrospect, probably not very likely, cuz of the whole politically correct thing, but it sounds right.)

What it actually is: The Redbirds.

Pick: Illinois. 

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Redbirds, presumably cardinals, are tiny and harmless. It would be a difficult kill for a Fighting Illini, but an inevitable one. Game, Illinois. (Illini mascot death fight record: 1-1.)

7 PM: No. 3 USC @ No. 8 Ohio State.

People seem to be giving OSU a chance in this one. At this point in world history, even with Terrelle Pryor being an absurdly talented athlete, probably the one quarterback I would like for my college football team if I were building one from scratch, I just see USC and Ohio State being in different leagues right now. I'd give OSU ten points in this one and still expect them to lose.

Pick: USC.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Buckeyes are nuts, folks. I don't see them winning a mascot death fight all year long, whether they're poisonous or not. Game, USC. (Buckeyes mascot death fight record: 0-2.)

9 PM: Purdue @ Oregon.

A lot of people probably see the Boilermakers making it close after last week's Duck debacle. I see them winning.

Pick: Purdue

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Have you ever played Duck Hunt? Boiler manufacturing engineers have. With real guns. And real ducks. Game, Purdue. (Boilermakers mascot death fight record: 2-0.)

Totals, excluding yet-to-be-picked NU vs. EMU:

Projected Big Ten record in Week 2: 5-5.

Projected Big Ten mascot death fight record in week 2: 5-5. (on the year: 10-11)

My picks last week: 10-1. Admittedly, the early season is a little easy going, but this week I went a little bit out of the box I think, so we'll see.

Around the Big XI, plus other stuff

First off, some responses to things you had to say in response to my mascot death-fights:

The Thief commented on my original post saying that Buckeyes are poisonous, and therefore, couldn't be eaten by Midshipmen. Fair enough. However, they could, like, stomp on them, shoot them, or bring them into their boats and throw them into the water, all of which would be effective ways of dispatching the Buckeye. It also should be noted that according to the wikipedia, the poison in buckeyes can be eliminated "by leaching the pulverized nuts in multiple changes of boiling water, to yield a wholesome starchy porridge once important to some Native American people", and, furthermore, can be eaten by other mammals such as deer or squirrels. Therefore, poisonous or unpoisonous, predict the Buckeyes go 0-12 in their mascot fight death schedule, since they are the seed of a tree - possibly 0-13, since the Buckeyes are probably bowl bound. 

Joshua seems to think that I've misdefined the Wildcat in my other post, and, to be honest, he's right. The Wildcat is wild version of the domestic cat that lives in Europe. The wikipedia tells us that it is about two feet long, ways about eight pounds, and is "extremely timid." 

The wikipedia also tells me that the word "Wildcat" can be used to refer to bobcats and lynx, which can actually kill something and aren't simply the wild versions of the thing scratching on the bedposts of lonely old women across the globe. I'm going to use this definition as opposed to the snuggly european one. Trust me, it will improve Northwestern's mascot fight death pool winning percentage at least 20 times, unless Miami of Ohio changes its mascot to the "tiny harmless mice", in which case that little tiny Euro-wildcat might be able to fend for itself.

In other news, I'm bored enough with having two weeks left until going back to college that I just wrote two hundred words about wildcats. 

So the Big Ten had some mighty close calls this weekend. I predicted the conference would go 11-0, in fact, it went 10-1, on the virtue of ranked Iowa blocking two straight field goals against the University of Northern Iowa, a overtime miracle win for Minnesota in Syracuse, a squeaker of a win in Columbus over Navy, who came to play. To some, the conference looks weak. 

But let's not go printing up Purple to Pasadena t-shirts yet. A week doesn't tell you much, which is just as true of the games of our ten conference foes as it is about NU's romp over Towson. A few more weeks of similarly sucky play by teams like OSU and Iowa, and we can talk title. For now, let's just focus on ourselves.

However, a week was totally enough to tell us that, no, Illinois isn't much good. If they get more votes in the polls tomorrow than us after that game, well, journalists around the country need to learn something.

The Top 25.

I have somewhat of an obsession with the AP poll. Not sure why, but I get a rush out of seeing those little numbers in front of my school's name. So every week, until we get into that poll, I'll be profiling both our performance and the performances of teams in between us and that No. 25 spot. Last year, it took the Wildcats a few weeks just to start getting votes, and they ended up in the poll, and this year, we have a preposterously easy schedule, and five votes already. If the team performs the way they should, they really should end up top 25 by the end of the year. The losses will begin racking up for the mediocre teams in the top 25, and NU will most likely be 3-0 in two weeks, and if they can keep that undefeated streak going, they could be in the rankings by this time next month.

Current position: 44th.

Positions we'd need to move up to be top 25: 19.

How many top 25 teams actually lost: Four, with FSU and Mississippi still to play: Oregon, Virginia Tech, Oklahoma, and Georgia.

So how many spots should open up? I predict one: all those losses were to top 25 teams, and all of those teams were ranked above No. 16, making a drop out of the rankings unlikely. Oregon's loss was particularly ugly though, and they lose their star running back for the rest of the year, so I wouldn't be surprised if they fall out of the voting. Iowa's squeaky win might scare off a few voters, but at the end of the day, it's still a win, and they'll probably hold on.

How many teams in between NU and the top 25 lost?: Four: Illinois, NC State, Central Michigan, and one of either Cincinnati or Rutgers, who play Monday night. (Miami (FL) also plays Monday against a ranked team in FSU.)

Should NU pass any of them?: I've already made my opinions clear on the Illinois thing, and the other three - NC State, Central Michigan, and the loser of the Cincy-Rutgers game - will definitely fall below NU. 

So what are NU's chances of cracking the top 25?: Preposterously slim. NU will likely pass those schools and pick up a few votes, but pretty much end up in the same place next week, as other schools will probably pass NU. 

Is that justified?: Yeah. Objectively, nobody can say NU deserves to be in the top 25 teams in the country right now. I'd put them between 35-40 right now, but time will show this team improving. 

Brendan Smith Memorial Big Ten Picks.

Memorializing what, again?

Oh, yeah, that. It's been almost six days since I posted that. Too long.

Anyway, pickin: no scores, just games. I'm just gonna tell you who I think is going to win.

Do you guys care who I think is going to win? Probably not. But if you're like me, you just want to read as much about football as you can right now, so, here goes. If you want, you can skip this post, cuz I'll have better ones later.

11 AM CT: Montana State @ Michigan State.

Analysis: Both Montana and Michigan are states that start with the letter M. One is better at football.

My guess as to what Montana State's mascot is, without looking: The Cougars.

What it actually is: The Bobcats. Not that far off, to be honest.

Pick: Michigan State. 

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: A single bobcat might be able to cause problems against a single Spartan, but Spartans work well in packs. Game MSU.

11 AM CT: Minnesota @ Syracuse. 

The last time we saw Minnesota, they were stumbling and bumbling their way down the stretch by losing five straight to end the season, including the Brendan Smith game, a 29-6 loss to Michigan, and a 55-0 loss to Iowa. However, they still have Adam Weber and Eric Decker, and Syracuse is, as noted on here, recovering from a hellish apocalypse of a season and now have a new head coach and a quarterback who hasn't been tackled in four years. Minnesota should win by a lot, but they won't.

Pick: Minnesota.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Orange is a color, and therefore, cannot die, I'm DQing them right off the bat. Game, Minnesota.

11 AM CT: Navy @ Ohio State.

People have criticized OSU taking Navy and their freaky triple option run-on-every-play offense in a week where what they really need is a tune-up game a week before playing USC. They're right, in a way, in that, yes, they need a tune-up, and these are two very, very different offenses that will be difficult to play in back to back weeks. However, this is not a trap game: OSU is just too talented. This'll be a blowout.

Pick: OSU. 

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Buckeyes are nuts, right? Midshipmen can eat those. Game Navy.

11 AM CT: Akron @ Penn State.

Jesus, this is boring, what with all the obvious victories. I hope Akron scores, if only to prevent the obvious headlines about the Zips offensive performance from appearing in every single reputable publication in the state of Pennsylvania and Ohio on Sunday morning.

Pick: Penn State.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: A zip is an onomatopoeic sound, and therefore, not a tangible object. Game PSU.

11 AM CT: Toledo @ Purdue.

Both teams have new head coaches. You're probably like, "hey, why does Toledo need a new head coach after that great season where they beat Michigan?" But you have to remember that that Michigan game was an outlier in an otherwise bad season. Toledo went 3-9 last year, with the only wins against Michigan, and... two NU out-of-conference opponents, Miami (OH) and Eastern Michigan, who they beat 42-14 and 41-17, respectively. All this to reinforce how bad our out of conference schedule this year is, as if you didn't know already.

Pick: Purdue.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Yeah, rockets are scary, but boilermakers have the engineering prowess to make rockets, and presumably, would know how to disarm them or otherwise escape death by rocket.

11:05 AM CT: Northern Iowa @ Iowa.

I'll put it this way: I guarantee 90% of the players on Northern Iowa wish they played for Iowa. That artificially imagined statistic is not the stuff upsets are made of.

My guess as to what Northern Iowa's mascot is, without looking: I'm sticking with Cougars. I'm confident, if nothing else.

What it actually is: the Panthers. The big cat motif is a wise one to stick with.

Pick: Iowa.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Well, a panther is a vicious, murderous beast, and a hawkeye is either the disembodied eye of a hawk or a person with good vision, both of which could be devoured quite easily by your average panther. Game NIU.

2:30 PM CT: Western Michigan @ Michigan.

The battle of the directional schools against the larger schools the athletes wish they played for continues. WMU was actually pretty decent last year, but I have a feeling that Michigan won't be that abhorrent this year. Just mediocre. And that this one won't be as close as you think it will be.

My guess as to what Western Michigan's mascot is without looking: I know I just stuck with the cat motif, but, Michigan directional schools seem more down to earth. I'm going with the Rams. 

What it actually is: the Broncos. It's actually in the school's logo, so I should've seen it.

Pick: Michigan.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Most interesting matchup yet. Common wisdom goes with the wolverine, since they're ferocious, but they're relatively small, definitely not big enough to bring down a bucking bronco. I think this one ends with an upset via a bronco hoof to the head.

2:40 PM CT: Illinois vs. Missouri.

The Braggin Rights game features a Missouri team trying to find its identity after losing Jeremy Maclin and a boatload of Chases, while Illinois needs a win for this year to mean anything. Juice and Rejus have some fun, and Illinois will come away with the win.

Pick: Illinois. I just said that, didn't I.

PIck in a mascot fight to the death: The most lopsided fight yet. Game: Mizzou.

6 PM CT: Northern Illinois @ Wisconsin.

Nothing about Wisconsin impresses me. If you want a bold prediction, I think Purdue will have a better season than Wisconsin. I would pick this as a Big Ten loss, but NIU isn't a particularly great program.

Pick: Wisconsin.

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Another interesting mammal fight between two animals not known for their killing prowess. Huskies are bigger and more durable, and although they're not carnivorous by trade, I think the Arctic Circle has gotta be a pretty tough place to survive: Game NIU.

11 AM CT: Towson @ NU.

My pick: in the next post. Yeah, it's like that.

My projected Big 10 record in Week 1 (including Indiana, excluding NU): 10-0.

My projected Big 10 mascot death fights record in week 1 (including Indiana [for the record, the Eastern Kentucky Colonel is probably packing heat, and wouldn't hesitate to just shoot the Hoosier in the chest with his ivory-handled pistol], excluding NU): 5-5.

Like I said, come back later for my prediction on the NU-Towson matchup. If you thought this was an exercise in futility, tell me, and I won't do it next week. In my defense, it really does look like the Big 10 has practically no competition this week. If I had to pick a loss, it would be either Illinois or Wisconsin.