NU Fan's Guide To Watching: NFL Training Camps.

From time to time, there are non-Northwestern sporting events. But some of the truer NU heads - you know, the ones who wouldn't shut up about how we beat MSU while watching the championship game with friends... until halftime, at which point they started talking about how we beat FSU, who beat UNC, making us transitive property national champions once removed, the ones who made Youtube highlight reels of Super Bowl 42, except the only play featured is Barry Cofield's one unassisted tackle* - might have trouble sitting through non-Wildcat sports related events.

Well, that's what I'm here for. I'll be guiding you through seminal sporting events and providing them with a purple tint. Today, NFL training camps. 

* - these fans do not actually exist

So, NFL training camps are underway. Some view it as a more awesome version of spring training, with people getting into fights while wearing helmets. I view it a lot like, well, any other NFL event that isn't actually a game. (sorry) 

However, as a Northwestern fan, you've gotta take notice. We've got 14 guys on NFL rosters, which, compared to every school in the country, isn't half-bad. Compared to other Big Ten schools, it makes us... wait for it... tenth in the conference, ahead of Indiana. (Who didn't see that coming?) Of those 14, I'd say about nine or ten are locks to make their respective rosters, which is a pretty good ratio. John Gill and Tyrell Sutton seem to have pretty good chances of sticking, and, well, if I was Marquice Cole, Eric Peterman, or Noah Herron, I'd try not to get too attached to any of my new teammates. (As a Jets fan, I'm pullin for ya, Marquice.)

So, just like I did with the NBA draft, I'm here to provide a guide to watching your favorite team's NFL training camp, but with a purple tint. And no, I've never actually been to one (unless you consider the Wildcats open-to-media spring practices an NFL training camp) but as an NU blogger, this is how I would approach attending one of these things. 

• First off, you're going to want to go to the training camp facility of the team of your choosing. Sadly, only 12 teams have NU grads on their training camp rosters. If you're not a fan of one of these 12 teams, either a) pick a new favorite or b) sit outside your local GM's office both night and day with a sign making it clear that you won't eat or drink until he signs CJ Bachér. 
• Good. Now you're a fan of a team with an NU alum on the training camp field. For the NBA draft, I advised you buy a jersey of all 30 teams with Craig Moore's name and number on the back, just to be safe, but for this, it's easier: you only need one jersey, and you already know the name and number, unless you're a Bears fan, in which case you need to go buy three jerseys and bring two friends with you to training camp. Unfortunately, friends are not sold at the Bears team store, so you'll have to bring your own.
• As previously noted, some of our ex-Wildcats don't have great chances of making their rosters. If you're unlucky enough to go to practice on the day your Wildcat gets cut, make sure to console them. Then, go to the office of the highest ranking team official you can find, rip your jersey off - preferably Hulk-style, but any violent removing of the jersey should do - and throw it at the ground, stare the guy in the face, and say "I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU". Pause for dramatic effect, and as you're leaving, spit at his feet before turning your back on him.
• Make sure the recently cut player hasn't spent all his per diem already, because you'll need him for bail money.
• In all his years playing football, nobody has ever started an Ike Ndukwe-specific chant. And although he doesn't let on, especially with his hulking physical demeanor, sometimes, it hurts, to see all the legions of fans showing up, but never even bothering once to cheer his name. "Always the bridesmaid," he sometimes mutters under his breath as he leaves the huddle, and sullenly decides that deep inside, he really doesn't want to block for Chad Pennington if nobody's ever going to even remember who he is. What I'm saying is, be the first.
• If you're at Bears training camp, and Brett Basanez completes a pass to Eric Peterman, who then gets tackled by Nick Roach, you're morally obligated to make out with the closest person to you, regardless of gender or any other mitigating factor. They'll understand. 
• If you see John Gill or Tyrell Sutton, ask them how they did in Geography last quarter. As someone who was in that class, I genuinely want to know what grades someone can get if they're under contract with a professional football team.
• Also, try to recreate this photo I found google image searching "noah herron" with Tyrell Sutton, since Tyrell is also #23 for the Packers: 
  I imagine the difficult parts will be: a) finding a bike small enough to make the smaller Tyrell look that comically big and b) getting a Wisconsonian child to don a Brett Favre jersey.
  
  
• But most importantly, remember that you're not trying to out yourself as an NU-only fan. Engage some random guy in conversation about last season. Heckle a starting quarterback. Know everybody's uniform number. (No, #96 is not Amado Villarreal.) 
  

One Less Day til Football Season, Post 3: Wide Receivers.

Another day another post. I wondered what I would do with myself with a job that gets off at 2 PM even though my friends generally don't get off until 5, and the answer is "start an overwhelmingly thorough sports blog."

Oh, and vote in the pointless poll! What distresses me is that one dude changed their vote from "I like your 1000 word screeds" to "I like Northwestern sports." Dear that guy: I hate you. I hate you I hate you I hate you. 

Days till football season:64. (You may notice the sunday post said there were 66. Well, I went back to the original post, which was based off of NUsports.com's calculations, and it turns out I am terrible at math. In my defense, I'm a journalism student, and can only understand basic principles of math if they are somehow phrased as per game scoring averages.)

8

9

10

Who did it last year? The guys above, Eric Peterman, Ross Lane, and Rasheed Ward. You needed all three: Peterman provided the closest thing we had to a go-to guy, Lane was a big man on the outside, and Ward, at the risk of sounding vaguely racist, provided speed out of the slot (what? he was really fast!), and was our resident man of a million slants.

Our fourth leading reciever was Tyrell Sutton, who really augmented the spread through his play out of the slot - hopefully, ex-WR Jeravin Matthews can continue the tradition of good receiving running backs, but, you never know. 

There were also decent contributions from Andrew Brewer, who got healthy about halfway through the year, the true freshman Jeremy Ebert, who was our fourth reciever last year and is one of two people to have caught a TD pass from Mike Kafka - the fade at Minnesota - and Sidney Stewart, who settled under Eric Peterman's lone career TD throw. 

Because I'm all about paying respect, Jeff Yarbrough, a receiver who didn't catch a single pass last year, but once had 100 receiving yards and a TD against Michigan State, graduated. Not a big deal, but we could use all the experience we could get right about now. 

Who's got next? Welp, we need a new wide receiving corps. In a dream world, we'd slap Peterman's name on Ebert's jersey, Ward's on Stewart's (again with the vague racism) and Lane's on Brewer's. Anyway, I think they're a good trio. None of them have ever been a #1 receiver, hopefully we'll get a tandem like we had from the last three with a few others contributing. 

I'd be pretty certain that these will be the three biggest contributors based on how they slotted into the offense last year, but the Cats certainly made it difficult for people to predict by passing to nine different recievers in the spring game, with none getting more than three catches. 

Is that an improvement? Eh, probably not. Not a knock on these guys, it's just hard to replace three experienced seniors.

I like Brewer's combo of Lane-esque speed and size, but we've never seen him play wide receiver due to his brutal performances as a quarterback back before I was an NU student and his many injuries. He had a nice 55 yard TD grab in the spring game, so signs are good. Ebert might be a good receiver for years to come, and has a pretty sweet rapport with Kafka judging from that one pass. Stewart also looked decent in limited action last year, we'll just have to wait and see.

Who else we got? NU has 14 - count em - wide recievers listed on their roster. For the hell of it, I'll write a little bit about all of them, but considering only five have ever caught a pass in a game, and I've already written about three of them, and one of the two other people to have caught a pass I hadn't heard of up until spring practices, imagine how little I have to say about the other nine. Done imagining? Prepare to be underwhelmed.

For your reading pleasure, I've seperated the remaining 11 recievers into "guys who have caught a pass in a game, might potentially catch a pass in a game this year, yet I still know relatively little about" and "people who may or may not be figments of NUsports.com's imagination."  

4. Charles Brown caught two passes last year and three in the spring game, and is likely our next guy down the depth chart from the three written about above. Brown was his class valedictorian, and according to his NUsports.com profile, brings "explosiveness," so blame them for the vague racism.

5. Zeke Markshausen is a walkon and the only other player on the roster to have caught a pass in a game. He figured somewhat prominently in spring drills and the game, look for him to pop up once or twice in the slot. I'm also disappointed that his name is actually "Zeke" by birth, because "Ezekiel Markshausen" might have made for the best Amish football player in school history, which in turn would be a great reason to bring back the black uniforms.

Now, in class order: wide recievers who have never caught a pass in a game, might not this year, but who cares. All random facts are courtesy of their NUsports.com profiles, obviously. I'd say any junior or senior on here has the potential to show up on a statsheet. But, like I said, I have absolutely no idea.

6. Senior Kevin Frymire broke a leg in spring ball last year, causing him to miss the whole season, so hopefully he's back to football shape, and hopefully he doesn't mind pretending to be a senior again, because that's probably medical redshirt material. 

7. Senior Kevin Mitchell was a high school quarterback, which according to google translator, is romanian for "Northwestern wide receiver." He's not related to superback Brendan Mitchell or the previously mentioned Kevin Frymire.

8. Junior Carl Fisher has played special teams at NU, and played the role of Gaston in his high school production of "Beauty and the Beast", a fact I'm sure he loves on his football playing resume. 

9. Junior Lee Coleman had a special teams tackle last year. He was a high school quarterback, and there's a joke about that four lines above this. 

10. Walkon junior Mark Ison was listed as a punter/wide receiver up until spring ball, which always fascinated me, because one is close to the most athletic position on the field and the other is probably the least athletic, and yet Ison apparently did both, making him an instant Purple Drank favorite. However, he's dropped the punting gig, which leads me to believe he was pretty bad at it, considering our current punter wants to be our place kicker, leaving an opening there, and the fact that he'll be approximately 12th on our wide receiving depth chart. Here's hoping Ison catches a pass and/or punts at least once this year.

11. RS Freshman Martin Bayless's dad played safety for the Chargers for 13 years, had NFL-player uncles, and is Charles Woodson's cousin. No pressure, kid. 

12. Want to read something interesting about RS freshman Brendan Barber? Too bad. 

13. Ditto for RS freshman Demetrius Fields, although I can say I hope that he and incoming freshman running back Arby "RB" Fields host a buddy sitcom together. Working titles: "Ryan Fields", "Fields of Dreams", "Demetrius and Arby's Fun-Time Variety Hour, sponsored by Goose Island, whatever that is"

14. Last, but not least, incoming freshman Drew Moulton. Obviously, college football recruiting is very difficult and our staff is very good at it, and getting better at it every year, but, Fitz, did you really need to tack on another wide out to make this post 14/13ths longer? Really? I'm sort of mad.

Too much writing about wide receivers has made me need a nap, and made me renege on the "no 1500 word post" policy, but this is probably the last time that happens, because, damn, there's 14 of them, and I felt like it. 

Remember, kids, i before e, except after c, and go vote in the poll.